Hollywood Types

Paris Hilton, Meet Justice

ebay@evilwhiteguy.com — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 22:52:00 GMT

Paris Hilton, after being released from jail prematurely,was sent back. Crying and screaming for her mommy...

Awww, too bad. She actually has to face the same consequences as the rest of us. Boo Hoo.

Talk About Letting Yourself Go

aubrey@evilwhiteguy.com — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 09:40:00 GMT

Guess who this is:

No, it's not the old hag from "Throw Mama From The Train", it's...

Barbara Streisand.

Yeesh, that's disgusting.

At Least Now I Don't Have To Spend Those Millions Of Dollars

aubrey@evilwhiteguy.com — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 19:29:00 GMT

I was the winning bidder for a particular item on eBay, however, the auction was ended because I was disqualified. Imagine that.

The fears of sleeping with a stranger have finally been alleviated for actress Carmen Electra, as the man, whose offer was one of the highest in an online bidding for a date with the sexy beauty, has been disqualified.

The former Baywatch star, who is married to rocker Dave Navarro, recently offered her fans to buy the chance to take her out, on the internet auction site eBay.com, but she now regrets being so crazy, as the huge amounts of cash that were bid for a date with her, left her highly concerned.

"They were bidding for a date with me on eBay, which was kind of weird, but the money went to charity, so I thought it would be a nice thing to do," Contactmusic quoted her, as saying.

"It went up to some crazy number and I actually felt obligated to, like, sleep with the guy. But I didn't, because they were disqualified," she added.

Actually, I'm quite relieved. The mission of the starship Enterprise was to "boldy go where no man has gone before". In hindsight, to boldly go where Dennis Rodman has been before was beginning to worry me.

And Now, Deep Thoughts, By Madonna

aubrey@evilwhiteguy.com — Mon, 21 Nov 2005 15:48:00 GMT

From a recent interview:

"At the end of the day when I'm standing at the golden gates, I'm sure God doesn't give a shit how many records I've sold or how many number one hits I've had," Madonna said in an interview with Britain's Observer. "All He gives a shit about is how I behaved, how I treated people. So understanding that, and still doing my best making records, is the conclusion I've come to. I think about that more now than I used to."

I guess I can skip church this week.

Scary Stuff

aubrey@evilwhiteguy.com — Tue, 15 Nov 2005 21:07:00 GMT

Someone over at Double Agent is pretty damned good with a Photoshop brush. They have a gallery of what stars will look like in the future, and it ain't pretty. Here's a sample:

And last but not least...

Man, that last one is just giving me the creeps.

Paris Hilton Is An Old Lady

aubrey@evilwhiteguy.com — Sat, 08 Oct 2005 00:33:00 GMT

Or at least, she'd like you to believe as much:

Actress Paris Hilton, the heir of the Hilton fortune, is going incognito trying to avoid the press after she broke off her engagement with her fiancée, Greek multimillionaire Paris Latsis.
Hilton, 24, was spotted at her brother's soccer games dressed as an old woman. Paris was wearing a gray wig and a prosthetic nose and chins and hobbled around on a cane, according to a Hilton family insider.

Suspicions were raised, however, when onlookers spotted an old woman humping a young man forty years her junior while another young man videotaped the event.

This Week's Movie

aubrey@evilwhiteguy.com — Fri, 22 Jul 2005 23:13:00 GMT

I haven't seen "War of the Worlds" yet, and was thinking about seeing it this weekend, but after reading this, I think I'll pass.

A screenwriter for the blockbuster film "War of the Worlds" says the malevolent Martian attackers represent the American military randomly slaughtering Iraqi civilians.
Dave Koepp voiced his controversial explanation of the movie script to an obscure Canadian horror magazine titled Rue Morgue, "apparently thinking no one would notice," writes U.S. News columnist John Leo.

What a dunce.

Be Careful, Tom

aubrey@evilwhiteguy.com — Thu, 05 May 2005 13:31:00 GMT

Just in time for the release of his next movie, Tom Cruise is suddenly splashed all over the headlines because he's now dating Katie Holmes. Which, oddly enough, both of their publicists were denying just a week or so ago. I'll admit, she is cute.

But she doesn't always look like that. Especially when she's having an, er, outbreak.

Not quite so cute in that photo.

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

aubrey@evilwhiteguy.com — Wed, 04 May 2005 20:46:00 GMT

I don't keep up with Hollywood stars' love lives all that much, but occasionally one of them does something that makes you go "hmmmmm". This is one of those times.

Apparently Colin Farrell, who by all accounts has been sleeping with pretty much everyone, was feeling a little randy. He was trying to seduce an actress by the name of Eileen Atkins. Here's a photo of her:

Not too shabby. Of course, that photo was taken maybe forty or forty-five years ago. Here's a more recent photo:

That one is about three years old. She's 70 now. I'm not quite sure what he was thinking, going from Britney Spears to Aunt Bea, but there is one other funny thing about the story.

She turned him down.

Hollywood Too Stupid To See Their Own Faulty Logic

aubrey@evilwhiteguy.com — Tue, 25 Jan 2005 23:22:00 GMT

So apparently Hollywood types are trying to get illegal aliens drivers' licenses in California.

LOS ANGELES – Hollywood stars are joining the fight to get driver's licenses for undocumented immigrants in California with a new ad featuring a mock award for "Best Nanny."
More than 30 actors, musicians and writers, including Diane Keaton, Carlos Santana and "Million Dollar Baby" writer and producer Paul Haggis, took out the ad Monday in the entertainment industry trade paper Variety.

The group urges Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger to approve a new bill that would allow illegal immigrants to get a license as long as background checks found they had no criminal violations.

Wouldn't a background check reveal that they were here illegally? That would be a criminal violation. By default their own stipulation guarantees that even if the bill passes, they won't be eligible.